Went to see a psychiatrist today (10/19/2004)
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Went to see a psychiatrist today, who is of the opinion that I have a Major Depressive Disorder. He put me on 50 mg Zoloft and 10 mg Stilnox per day, told me not to stop drinking suddenly (but try to gradually reduce the daily amount) and to be patient for a month or so until the drugs to kick in.

Time for an update (11/10/2004)
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Been on that Zoloft stuff for three weeks now, but yesterday the doc changed the prescription to Dogmatil (Sulpiride). The Zoloft worked surprisingly fast and well, but the side-effects were simply too heavy. All day long I felt like I had drunk too much coffee, sleeping was only possible with Stilnox (Zolpidem), zero interest in sex and so on.

Since all the conversations had been in Chinese and I wanted to make sure that the doc really understood what was going on (and that I understood his replies, naturally :-) Liping came along to make sure of that. We had quite a little talk yesterday.

According to the psychiatrist, I will have to get used to the fact that I will have depressions for the rest of my life - but they aren't necessarily surfacing. And since there weren't any serious problems for so many years, he concluded that the added stress of having to take care of a baby is probably the main reason for my difficulties now. He also said that we should really re-consider whether it is a good idea to have a second child as that would make this period that much longer and make things much more difficult for me. Especially as I am not getting younger and as the quality of sleep also deteriorates the older one gets.

Another topic was drinking and alcohol. I have just found out that the sister of my ex-girlfriend has died because of drinking. That kind of explained why my ex was adamant that the only way to go is therapy and life-long abstinence. There are only a few problems with that.

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www.sinorama.com.tw/en/show_issue.php3?id=200269106077e.txt&page=1
(...)
Alcoholism thus becomes the surface expression of, and behavioral escape from, the symptoms of their psychological case.
(...)
The incidence of alcoholism is about 1.5% in Asia, whereas it is as high as 25% in the West. The large difference between East and West is mainly due to the fact that there are differences among the body's enzymes that process alcohol, differences that vary with race.
(...)
Even the national health insurance program does not cover the costs of treatment for alcohol dependency.
(...)
Currently, Taiwan society offers little help to alcoholics. AA is not a compulsory organization, Taiwan has no mandatory "drying out" institutions, and there are no statistics on how many hidden alcoholics there may be.
(...)
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AA as a quasi-religious organization is not acceptable for me and life-long abstinence is a) very hard to achieve and b) not really a very desirable goal as far as I am concerned.

The doc confirmed that there is really nothing at all available here, but he said that I may be overly anxious about the matter in any case. If I am able to reduce my drinking than I should just do that. He said that "social drinking" was acceptable and for the rest of the time I should try to stick to a maximum of two cans of beer per day.

So, after our little talk I checked out the information on "controlled drinking", the pros and cons and found all kinds of interesting information about the subject. One of the tidbits is that attitudes, even among professionals are very much determined by their cultural background. (Here we go again... :-)

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Controlled Drinking versus Abstinence
www.peele.net/lib/cdvsabs.html

Why Do Controlled-Drinking Outcomes Vary by Investigator, by Country and by Era?

Cultural Conceptions of Relapse and Remission in Alcoholism

(...)Miller found that only in Germany among the European nations he visited, where alcoholism treatment was hospital-based and largely medically supervised, did the commitment to abstinence as the sole goal of alcoholism treatment approach the climate in America. (...)
www.peele.net/lib/cdoutcomes.html
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Another was a link to an outfit called MM or Moderation Management, which seems to me to be a much more reasonable and evidence-based method of coping with excessive drinking. Here, abstinence is just one of the options and the focus is much more on damage-control. The big picture, so to speak.

But the best argument as far as I am concerned, seems to be this one: If you manage to stick to your plan of controlled drinking, then that's that. And if not, you at least know that a more radical approach may be required.

I'll let you know how it goes.

Depression, Anger & Alcohol (11/18/2004)
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And so the story goes
Didadi, didadidadidadidadidadi

Even before I could open my mouth, the doc told me that it was time to change meds once more. Looks like the Dogmatil (Sulpiride) was only interim medication as it ain't such a good idea to switch just like that.

We were wondering whether the stuff was working at all, as I had begun gnashing my teeth again and started to act like a miserable old bastard once more. It was almost as if I wasn't taking anything whatsoever.

Soooo.... Now I am on 150mg Wellbutrin (Bupropion) per day, which will be raised to 300mg the second week. So far I have only noticed some mild side-effects (seeing shining golden "glowworms" and experiencing "earthquakes" which only exist in my head), but can't tell whether it has any effects on my mood. Time will tell.

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I joined a few online discussion groups of www.moderation.org, especially the Abstar one and try to limit myself to two standard drinks (1 SD = one small can of beer at 5%) per day during the week. Easy when the mood and the weather are good, more difficult when not. As to the weekends, I refuse for the time being to give up my social drinking, especially as the doc is okay with it, too.
http://p196.ezboard.com/fhopsmaltyeast12305frm2.showMessage?topicID=124.topic

Christmas Eve (12/24/2004)
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I am now on 450 mg Wellbutrin/Bupropion per day & it still doesn't really work - although I don't seem to be gnashing my teeth anymore. Tuesday I'll see the doc again and I guess he'll put me on yet another medication. As to the drinking... Look for "Holg" over here: http://www.moderation.org/abstar/

In general, I feel that things are going in the right direction - but they move slower than a tortoise with arthritis...

Merry Christmas everybody!