Taipei, 1990

I had received a telegram, the very first one in my life, that I was urgently needed back in Taiwan. Also, there might be a chance for a reconciliation, which prompted me to quit my job at the Hotel des Roches in Kourou, French Guyana, on the spot.

A few days later I flew with Minerve Guyane to Paris and soon I was back in Taipei. Unfortunately I stood in front of locked doors and it soon transpired that my services were no longer needed, that, in fact, my presence was not convenient at the moment.

"Wait a minute!" I thought. "This is my bloody school here!"

But the locks had been changed and apparently it was my former father-in-law who was now the legal owner of my school. Surprise, surprise! Apart from anger and emotional upheaval, never mind a boat sitting in the middle of some jungle-bay in Amazonia, there were all kinds of technical problems to take care of.

I didn't have a roof to sleep under, didn't have all that much cash and was stranded on the wrong side of the planet. So I didn't worry all that long, but did what I usually do when the excrement has hit the air-conditioning and went to the pub.

Which is where I ran into Johnnie Ah-Hong. Six beers and two phone calls later, I was all set up. Johnnie's friends had a "safe-house", which was nothing more than a little house in a quiet suburb, where Johnnie and one of his "brothers", named Xiao Lu, lived at the time. They didn't have to pay any rent, as the guy who owned the place owed the "brothers" so much money, that a lifetime of rent wouldn't be enough to pay for it all. And since that man valued his health and the intactness of his bones, he was more than happy to let the brothers use the house for as long as they wished or until the debt had been paid off.

Xiao Lu, it turned out, was an ex-cop, who got seriously pissed off that the guys he was chasing all the time made a lot better living than he did on his meager salary. So, one day he simply quit his job and joined the brothers. That was years and years ago, though. Both he and Johnnie were excellent cooks and when I inquired into the matter, they told me that jail was a very good place indeed to learn cooking. Later I found out that it is also a top-rate language center.

So I was living with a bunch of brothers from the "Bamboo Union" gang and since they had lawyers and accountants and all kinds of other professionals on their payroll, they promised me to check out the legal situation concerning the sudden transfer of ownership of my school. The gangster-lawyer guy came back to me a couple of days later. The expression on his face told me that there wouldn't be any good news.

"It's watertight," he said. "From a legal angle there is absolutely nothing we can do."

The "we" kind of worried me, but I had made it very clear to Johnnie that I would not be part to highly illegal proceedings. He said, "But when I need to borrow some money, you'll give it to me!" It seemed like a reasonable request at the time and when later I did lend him a major sum of cash, I got all of it back, albeit in a different currency.

The news from the lawyer-guy were a major blow, so there was nothing for me to do, but go to the pub once more. Not to drown my sorrows, mind you, but to figure a way out of the pickle I now found myself in. Luck was on my side once more in the form of Richie. Richie had a language center as well, we had both learned under the same couple of guys and our methods were almost identical. And Richie needed a teacher! Lucky me! Lucky Richie! Lucky everybody!

The arrangement was almost perfect. I hopped on my bike, a small 125cc Sanyang, a Honda copy, and drove to Richie's school where I had a second breakfast of beer and noodles. The first breakfast at home consisted only of beer. Richie didn't mind the beers as long as I did my job properly. He even videotaped the classes and one day when I was particularly out of it and had to hold onto the desks in order to avoid keeling over, I surprised even myself because on the video everything seemed to be completely under control. Classes were over at 10:00 pm and I went straight to the pubs and clubs where I usually hooked up with Johnnie and Xiao Lu and whoever was with them. There were always a lot of young girls, sex and drugs and rock'n roll, there seemed to be an almost unlimited amount of money flowing (the bill often was in the vicinity of a thousand bucks US) - basically it was partying non-stop. Often the parties would continue at the "safe-house" as well.

I got to know many of the brothers. One time the very big boss, Ghost, invited me to ride with him in his sports car and told me proudly that he had gone to Kaohsiung on a whim, just because he wanted to be with one particular girl. He apparently made it down there, about 400 km and back, with the girl, before the party was over. I was glad that I hadn't sat next to him on that particular trip, as it would probably have scared me to death. And that simply wouldn't do with these guys. They detested weakness of any kind and I would have been out on my bare arse in minutes, blood-brotherhood or not.

But this little trip was not in order to exhibit superior driving skills. He wanted the whole story of my school again and we talked all the time in Chinese. After that there was a short silence and then he switched to English and said just one word: "Violence!"

The way he said it, matter-of-factly, after evaluating all the alternatives, gave me the shivers. I replied in Chinese and said that I would think about it and let him know. He nodded and that was the end of that. But I did let the brothers know that I was not interested in this particular option.

After about six months, it was time for me to fly back to my boat, as I had managed to save enough money. I packed my few belongings, said good-bye to Richie, Johnnie, Xiao Lu and the brothers and a short time later I was back on DHARMA BUM.

*****

Johnnie got busted with amphetamines and ecstasy and has been in and out of jail several times since.
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Xiao Lu got in trouble with the brothers and had to leave Taipei to live in Hualien.
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Richie shared my fate but a little while later, but is now happily married again and his wife is expecting, too.
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Ghost was set up for a major heroin deal in Bangkok, took the fall, hit the headlines, went to jail - and miraculously got out again. Nobody knows whether he was actually working for the cops, used his family-influence or a major bribe to get out, for the laws in that respect are extremely strict in Taiwan. I saw him myself and he was in excellent spirits.
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Oh, and BTW, I changed their names.